disappointing

there are a couple reasons that i am writing this:

1. its been over a year since i wrote here and a lot has happened.

2. obama was voted as president and therefore our country is going down. god bless!

3. GUYS SUCK! altogether, minus a few guys and you know who you are, guys are pieces of work. man, its like you tell someone that you dont like them in a romantic way and you will wanna stay friends and then they completely stop talking to you. boo to them!

now in the past year let me give you an update:

-back in august i finally won sole custody of my little girl, thank you god

-im still contiplating moving but john is too big of an ass to let me be happy, UGH!

-i've giving up dating altogether, they all suck!  *sorry guys*

-im figuring out who my friends are, there are people that dont talk to me for stupid reasons, i truely think its stupid but there is nothing that i can do except just take it and except the circumstances

thats about all that i can think of at the time, i hope that your all having a great day!

~melissa~

god help me....

so depression seems to be setting in between my issues.

john is going for sole custody therefore meaning i would be getting her every other weekend and one day a week, PLUS i'd have to pay child support. plus he states im emotionally unstable and whatnot....

i seriously have not hated anyone as much as i hate john.

what is wrong with me?!

stress, stress, and oh yeah, i forgot, MORE STRESS!!!!!

so lately i have been thinking about things and how freakin stupid i have been and how there are causes and reactions...let me give you a few reactions...

1. in high school i always looked at one college in particular...and i alway felt that with my grades i could never get in so i just decided on mcc, now i find myself always looking at the website of monmouth in tears going "why didn't i do it?" if i was in college at monmouth, i can gaurantee i would have never met john and/or had my daughter *dont get me wrong i love her more than anything*

2. when i went to mcc, i dicked around with classes and either didn't go, didn't make and effort, and/or just didn't care...therefore i did horrific except the classes that i really liked. i messed up like hard core almost like the point of no return, or thats how it feels!

3. john....no need to explain i have a beautiful daughter she is the only good thing that came out of the relationship between us.

i was talking to my mom about this earlier today and i told her "im going to sound horrible but sometimes i really wish i wasn't a mom" she asked "why?" and this is an honest opinion. when she had my sister, jessie, she was 19 and back then it was old fashioned the guy took care of the girl and college wasn't that important. nowadays if you wanna go anywhere in life, you need to go to college, and i can't go to college with my daughter. my social life *well lack of*, i gave up when i had my daughter and not having contact with people is killing me and i am starting to get depressed. its like post-pardum depression, but i didn't just have abigail. i just dont know what to do anymore cuz i am bombarded by so many emotions all at once and along with that i have to work my two jobs and therefore i have no time for me, i have no time anyways. i can barely make it to church due to the times that i work.

sorry about the rant....i'll talk to you all later. i hope that you have a pleasant day :)

ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

so yeah my ex is trying to tell a lawyer how responsible he is right...

well if you are trying to do that you do not tell the lawyer how responsible you are this is a list of things not to do:

1) dont serve your ex with papers

2) dont work for your ex's dad lol

3) dont call off on the day of the court date and piss off your boss lol

4) DONT SHOW UP FOR COURT!!!

5) tell your ex that you want JOINT CUSTODY!

HAHAHAHA! sorry i can't stop laughign cuz john wants to prove how responsible he is and how much he cares for abby but he calls off work *pisses my dad off while at it*, doesn't show up to court *therefore he couldn't have a say in his visitation*....what a *sorry i gotta say it cuz it is the best way to descibe him* "DUMBASS"!!!!

so yeah every MONDAY or WEDNESDAY he comes over from 7-9 and every SUNDAY he comes over from 11-1....only for a month then we go to meditation to see if we can work out some issues and some can be worked out but i will never give that JERK joint custody!

hopefully you guys are having a better day than i had! love ya all!

dee dee dee!

so like two weeks ago john turned into a major jerkface and served me with court papers for custody papers....its devistating to think that father of your child who ignores her all of a sudden wants to be part of her life cuz he claims that i "unreasonably restricted his access to Abigail".<-------major BS! i would never do that....but oh well! i guess this is another test of faith...and hopefully i pass this one. if i could pass the one of even having Abigail, this should be no problem then!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KYLE AND GRACEY!!! i love you guys!